V. Examination is the fifth stage of the recovery process
A. Examination is an honest investigation of self
1. Total honesty is needed in self-examination
2. All attitudes and behaviors, and how they may need to be changed are included
in the examination stage.
3. Examination includes identifying and establishing priorities which will support recovery.
B. The stage of examination parallels the Step Four Inventory Process of A.A./N.A..
C. Examination is an ongoing, maturing process that may take a lifetime.
D. The perceptions of others is needed in the examination process (i.e. professional, sponsors, etc.).
VI. Changing roles and labels is the sixth stage of the recovery process
A. As I continue in recovery, I will identify myself differently.
1. "I'm a victim."
2. "I'm confused".
3. "I'm an alcoholic/I'm an addict
There are many ways to maintain a healthy lifestyle free of self-defeating behavior. Your recovery plan will be your own creation and will be different from anyone else's. This conversation is meant to give you a starting point and a framework to design your own program. It won't be a finished product when you are done---there will be more questions. It will provide you with a method you can fall back on when things get difficult and confusing.
When you think about your recovery, what do you want to accomplish? Above and beyond stating clean and sober, some things many people want to work toward include control over their actions; self-respect and dignity; peace of mind; the ability to enjoy life; the respect of others; more satisfying relationships; improved health; career progress; and improved financial status. There are many others but I will leave you to list them.
Sunday, December 27, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Sunday, December 20, 2009
The Recovery Process/Part I
Can we talk? I talked to you about addiction and all its many faces and phases. What Addiction Is Not purpose is to make you aware. With this awareness you can this you see if you or any of your friends or family needs some help with what is called addiction. The good news is there is some help available and this is a good place to start looking around to see what you know and what you don’t know about this phenomena that has affected the general population. Your feedback or some reaching out for me or my assistance. Here is an excellent way to do just that, go to:
You can arrange to call me at a time when it is convenient for you or you can just call, I am usually available. The beginning to recover is always the hardest but with a little help it get easier. Let me run some of this by you.
1. Recovery is a process
A. Persons in treatment may have completed some or none of the initial stages of recovery.
B. The initial stages of the recovery process may be the most difficult.
C. Recovery is a process that needs to be ongoing.
1. If we stop growing, we will regress
2. Recovery can become an exciting and rewarding way of life.
II. Recognition is the first stage of the recovery process
A. Recognition is seeing that my problems are related to my alcoholism/chemical dependency and should include acknowledging that:
1. “I drink/use because of my disease and not because of people, places, things or conditions in my life.”
2. “I have a disease and am not a bad person.”
3. “I am not responsible for contracting this disease.”
4. “I am responsible for recovery.”
B. With recognition of my problem, I can begin the next page.
III Asking for help is the second stage of the recovery process
A. I have proven to myself that I cannot recover by myself (repeated relapses) and that I need help.
B. My asking for help requires a willingness to accept the help given.
C. I need help to seek and use the help of those who have knowledge of alcoholism/chemical dependency and recovery.
1. A.A./N.A.
2. Hospitals and Programs Treatment
3. Professionals who are knowledgeable
IV. Admission is the third stage of the recovery process
A. Acceptance is the fourth stage of the recovery process
1. In A.A. terms, it is “admission to my innermost self.”
2. All of my excuses and doubts are gone.
3. I understand, without reservations, that I drink because I am alcoholic and/or I use because I’m addicted.
4. I believe that no person, place, thing or condition was ever or will ever be responsible for my drinking/using
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Addiction called Love
There is such a thing as Love Addicts Anonymous. Love addiction comes in many forms. Some love addicts carry a torch for unavailable people. Some love addicts obsess when they fall in love. Some love addicts get addicted to the euphoric effects of romance. Others cannot let go of a toxic relationship even if they are unhappy, depressed, lonely, neglected or in danger Some love addicts are codependent and others are narcissistic. Some love addicts use sex to manage feelings; others are sexually anorexic. What they all have in common is that they are powerless over their distorted thoughts, feelings and behavior when it comes to love, fantasies, and relationships.
Love Avoidance:
At the other end of the continuum is love avoidance, an obsessive/compulsive relational cycle that begins with the child's enmeshment with parents (meaning one or both of the parents has no boundaries wirth the child). The child becomes the support network and provides care for the parents. This concept is best understood by examining the roles a child plays in a dysfunctional family system, such as the family counselor, mediatior, mascot, scapegoat, or hero. Oftentimes, the child may be a surrogate parent to younger siblings. In other situations, "Daddy's little girl" is a situation where the female child is more important to her father than her mother.. The child feels superior to her mother and will later serve as her father's surrogate spouse. At the other end of the spectrum, "Mom's little man" is when the son is more important than the father. As a result the son often feels superior to the father and becomes a surrogate spouse. In these described roles, the child feels very close to the parent, but is actually to close. He has to adapt to much to the needs of the parent and in the adaptation loses a sense of self and spontaneity. As an adult he will feel easily bored and empty inside which drives his need to use risk taking to create intensity. Being enmeshed by a parent creates three toxic ideas in the "Love Avoidant":
* When in a relationship with a needy person the love avoidant is superior. He will assume a parental position, have all the power, and look down on his partner. This is a core self-issue of poor self-esteem and in a relationship it will cause him to be controlling and disdainful of the partner.
* It is the love avoidant's job totake care of needy people. This is how he knows to be relational. It becomes part of his value system and if he is not taking care of someone in need, he feels guilty. As a core self-issue, it is a dependency or self-care issue. It causes resentment of the partner, as the love avoidant feels oppressed by his perceived responsibility. He too enters relationships out of duty, not love.
* If the love avoidant does not maintain enough distance in a relationship, he will be suffocated. As a result, he uses "walls" to create the distance he needs. As a core issue, this is a boundary problem.
* These three toxic thoughts drive a compulsive relational cycle called "the cycle of love avoidance." The cycle starts with the love avoidant entering a relationship because the other person needs assistance. The prospective partner seems needy and the avoidant appears to enter the relationship to avoid guilt and because it makes him feel good about himself. However, the love Avoidant doesn't actually enter a true relationship. He is hiding behind a "wall of seduction" that causes the prospective partner to feel special, but in reality the Avoidant is simply role-playing. The Avoidant is contemplating the relationship out of duty, not love. The result is resentment at having to work so hard to be in a relationship in which he really doesn't want to participate. He then uses the anger to justify his escape from the duty-bound relationship.
As self-medication, he seeks high intensity to relieve his boredom and make him feel wonderful. He starts risk-taking behavior such as sexually acting out, gambling with money or his life, drinking, drugging, or work addiction. However, following such behavior, he starts to feel guilty because he is not properly caring for his partner. So he returns out of guilt and restarts the entire avoidant cycle. Human tend to be relationally attracted to what is familiar. The Love Addict is attracted to people who are distant and relationally irresponsible, similar to his neglectful parents. The Love Avoidant is compelled to be relational with needy people who put him in a god-like position. It is not unusual to see these two types of people enter into relationships with one another, whereby they often stimulate each other's cycle.
Love Avoidance:
At the other end of the continuum is love avoidance, an obsessive/compulsive relational cycle that begins with the child's enmeshment with parents (meaning one or both of the parents has no boundaries wirth the child). The child becomes the support network and provides care for the parents. This concept is best understood by examining the roles a child plays in a dysfunctional family system, such as the family counselor, mediatior, mascot, scapegoat, or hero. Oftentimes, the child may be a surrogate parent to younger siblings. In other situations, "Daddy's little girl" is a situation where the female child is more important to her father than her mother.. The child feels superior to her mother and will later serve as her father's surrogate spouse. At the other end of the spectrum, "Mom's little man" is when the son is more important than the father. As a result the son often feels superior to the father and becomes a surrogate spouse. In these described roles, the child feels very close to the parent, but is actually to close. He has to adapt to much to the needs of the parent and in the adaptation loses a sense of self and spontaneity. As an adult he will feel easily bored and empty inside which drives his need to use risk taking to create intensity. Being enmeshed by a parent creates three toxic ideas in the "Love Avoidant":
* When in a relationship with a needy person the love avoidant is superior. He will assume a parental position, have all the power, and look down on his partner. This is a core self-issue of poor self-esteem and in a relationship it will cause him to be controlling and disdainful of the partner.
* It is the love avoidant's job totake care of needy people. This is how he knows to be relational. It becomes part of his value system and if he is not taking care of someone in need, he feels guilty. As a core self-issue, it is a dependency or self-care issue. It causes resentment of the partner, as the love avoidant feels oppressed by his perceived responsibility. He too enters relationships out of duty, not love.
* If the love avoidant does not maintain enough distance in a relationship, he will be suffocated. As a result, he uses "walls" to create the distance he needs. As a core issue, this is a boundary problem.
* These three toxic thoughts drive a compulsive relational cycle called "the cycle of love avoidance." The cycle starts with the love avoidant entering a relationship because the other person needs assistance. The prospective partner seems needy and the avoidant appears to enter the relationship to avoid guilt and because it makes him feel good about himself. However, the love Avoidant doesn't actually enter a true relationship. He is hiding behind a "wall of seduction" that causes the prospective partner to feel special, but in reality the Avoidant is simply role-playing. The Avoidant is contemplating the relationship out of duty, not love. The result is resentment at having to work so hard to be in a relationship in which he really doesn't want to participate. He then uses the anger to justify his escape from the duty-bound relationship.
As self-medication, he seeks high intensity to relieve his boredom and make him feel wonderful. He starts risk-taking behavior such as sexually acting out, gambling with money or his life, drinking, drugging, or work addiction. However, following such behavior, he starts to feel guilty because he is not properly caring for his partner. So he returns out of guilt and restarts the entire avoidant cycle. Human tend to be relationally attracted to what is familiar. The Love Addict is attracted to people who are distant and relationally irresponsible, similar to his neglectful parents. The Love Avoidant is compelled to be relational with needy people who put him in a god-like position. It is not unusual to see these two types of people enter into relationships with one another, whereby they often stimulate each other's cycle.
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